So there's someone you like. A Japanese lady? You've managed to secure a date with her and could use some advice. Want to know where you should take her, or how you can impress the woman of your dreams? Read on.

The Foreigner - Japan's Sam Barnes interviewed three Japanese women between the ages of thirty three and forty, asking them what there ideal date would be, and what they looked for in a guy. The following is your guide to dating in Japan, straight from the princesses' mouths. For better or for worse you may find some use from these words. Take them and use them wisely.

Noriko, 33, Koga city.

Noriko

She likes men with short hair that are honest and share the same hobbies (music) as her. When asked what her impression of foreign men was, she remarked that they are physically big, and came across as being very passionate and emotional compared to most Japanese guys. This she thought was a good thing because Japanese guys don't always show their emotions enough. However she added it could sometime be bad, as angry foreign men often start fights and get rowdy. Overall she liked the idea of having a man that readily expresses emotions to her. She also mentioned that she liked men who would protect her in dangerous situations.

Her ideal date would be going to a classical music concert, followed by dinner at a high class restaurant and drinks at a cocktail bar. Among her top choices for eating venues were the Akasaka Prince Hotel and the Teikouku Hotel in Hibiya. Both of these are located in districts of Tokyo.

It looks as though a date with Noriko might turn out to be quite expensive, but she stressed that having a good host for the evening is much more important to her than eating and drinking in fancy venues. She's attracted to men who are confident, good at talking and give lots of compliments. (Nothing new there then). Things which she really dislikes in men are; long hair; making lots of noise while eating, and indecisiveness.

Her final thought was that the man should take the lead and decide what to do during the evening. She thinks that Japanese women want to feel like a princess 'escorted' by a knight in shining armour.

Kaori, 37, Tatebayashi city.

Kaori

"I like a man who is clean (not dirty)." She smiles gently "And he has to have a dream, be ambitious."

I ask her to expand on the point of being clean

"Clean and healthy," She continues, "Not alcoholic, and he must be in good physical and mental health."

It should be added here that Kaori's profession is nursing, which might relate to the above statement.

"And I don't like nutty guys" she adds. "The sort that act crazy just to impress"

After some more questioning she admitted that she was looking for the sort of man who 'knows how to take care of a woman.' I ask her to define this type of man.

"Someone who shows he cares. A guy that will look after me when I'm sick, and give me words of encouragement when I'm down."

She went on to agree with Noriko on the point about foreign men being 'emotional', and that Japanese people, in general, tend to keep their feelings inside.

"One of the advantages of foreign men is that they tell you how they feel. If they're angry about something they won't just bottle it up." (Kaori previously had an American boyfriend.) "The downside is they sometime shout when they are drunk! It's really scary sometimes in Tokyo when you see groups of raucous drunken foreign guys on the street." But overall she thought the plusses outweighed the minuses because it was better for couples to share there feelings honestly rather than holding back.

I turn the conversation to the question of dating.

"My perfect date? Well now let's see. A walk on the beach hand in hand. A view of the sunset. Talking about our future together." (obviously she isn't talking about a first date here.) "A nice candle lit dinner on an island resort, with flowers bearing a sweet message as a surprise."

OK, so you may not be able to stretch your budget to an island resort. But the essential thing here is the romantic candle lit dinner. It seems a pattern is emerging here, as Noriko above also mentioned a 'high quality restaurant' in her dream date. Of course taking your date to a restaurant is nothing new, but adding small touches like candles and flowers could make all the difference.

"What other things do you look for in men" I ask.

"Mmm" she ponders "I like a man who will open the door for me and let me go first. I want a guy who will help me make dinner from time to time, not just sit in front of the TV and wait to be served on!" She thinks Japan is sometimes a 'male dominate society' in which boys and men are given superior status over females for no apparent reason. She resents the way women are always expected to serve on men, and for this reason is attracted to guys who will help out around the house. She adds that attitudes are changing, and many 'new men' do take a more egalitarian stance towards previously sex divided labour such as housework.

What advice does Kaori have for you amorous cupids aiming straight for the heart?
"Most men don't realise that we girls are very shy. Even if I really like someone I will always wait for him to make the first move." She giggles covering her mouth.

Kaori cannot stand men who are selfish or highly stressed, and dislikes guys who only talk about their own problems. "Men should be good listeners and pay attention to what I say. If I feel like someone is genuinely concerned about me—it's a real turn on."

What can we learn from Kaori's advice?: It is crucial to take the initiative when it comes to making the first step of planning a date. Don't dally around waiting for her to mention that she's free on Friday. In the words of Billy Joel 'Tell her about it.' And you may just find yourself landing that dream date that has been eluding you for so long.

Hitomi, 40, Koga city

Hitomi

As you can see in the above picture Hitomi is fond of a drink or two. Her favourite drink is champagne, chilled and accompanied by a good meal. Her ideal date would be a surprise trip to a luxury hotel by the sea or a lake. While dining at a sea front restaurant and drinking champagne, she would like to be serenaded by a string quartet secretly arranged by yours truly, her host for the evening. After a blissful evening as described above she would be ready to 'Spend the night' in an evening of romance.

"What qualities do you look for in men" I ask her.

"Someone who is broad minded and understanding," she replies without hesitation. "He must have a good sense of humour, but not dirty jokes" she adds. "I can't stand men who constantly make sexual innuendos."

She went on to say that her preferred partner must have a 'decent personality', and that she hates bad manners and selfishness.

"Too many guys come across as uncaring self-centred, and just after one thing. How could a guy impress me? Open the door for me and let me go first. Pay me a lot of attention" She pauses for thought "And put his arm around me when we're walking together. I love it when a man shows his affection for me in public"

While Hitomi is easily swept off her feet by good old fashioned chivalry, she also holds more modern values which she hastened to add:

"I definitely don't expect the man to pay everything on a date" she stressed. "That is an out of date system which relegates women to the role of a helpless child. Women should pay for half of the meal or whatever else is spent on a date... unless he is rich that is."

In light of the above, a luxury night for two may not set you back that much if you date someone with the same attitudes as Hitomi. Of course the whole money issue is a case by case scenario, but many other women actually share the same views as Hitomi and prefer to chip in for their share of the bill. The best way to find out with someone you don't know may be just to lay down a ten thousand yen note in front of the cashier after the meal. If your date gives you some cash - great. If not, no great loss. Refusing to let your date pay on the first date may actually make them feel like you're trying to gain some control over them, thus putting them off.

But paying bills is not the only thing which Hitomi prefers to do with a partner. "I also like to go to the supermarket together," she adds. "Planning what food we are going to buy and what dishes we're going to make is fun. But when I'm clothes shopping I prefer to make my own choice without any interference. I guess a guy should instinctually know when to butt out!"

She also loves going to see romantic comedies on the big screen, and watching TV programs such as 'Ally My Love' ('Ally McBeal') and 'Seinfeld'. "I hate being dragged along to a violent action movies," she complained. "What I said before about being caring includes making allowances for my taste in movies and music. Too many guys selfishly demand their own way when we go for a movie. I end up going to see something like 'The Matrix' when I could have gone to see a good movie like 'Notting Hill'."

Though she admits action flicks are not to her taste she does sometimes make allowances and grudgingly sits through three hour epics like 'The Lord of The Rings', providing the next trip to the pictures is a light hearted love story.

"I think there always has to be a bit of give and take," she says, "that's what makes for a good relationship. If guys do only the things they like, it will be no fun for me. And vice-versa." She grins confidently. "Anyone who I date should understand this, otherwise they won't last very long!"

This peal of wisdom can serve as a common sense reminder to us all. Being considerate to your date is not only a state of mind, but involves actively taking decisions that go against your preference. Though you may desperately want to see 'Alien versus Predator', bite the bullet and settle for something less fight orientated. Who knows? You may like it.

It's clear from these interviews that a romantic dinner is definitely the way to go when planning your date. And it's well worth checking out the setting and atmosphere of the venue before the important day. Better still, tidy your apartment and cook something yourself. This way you can create the perfect ambiance that makes for a romantic meal, and impress her with your culinary prowess - without breaking the bank.

It never ceases to amaze me how significant food is in Japanese culture. The sheer number of restaurants here, the amount of cookery programmes you see on television. And the way each place has a special type of food which it is famous for. It's no wonder then that Noriko Kaori and Hitomi all mentioned dining out as part of there dream date.

Equally important as a good meal is having the right attitude. Compliments, chivalry, and leadership skills are the order of the day. Conversely, being a weak, selfish, bad-mannered, long haired, smelly, uncaring, rowdy, drunken, physically unfit slob, is not such a good idea.